Last night I had yet another mini-breakdown. And again this morning. And again this afternoon.
Each time, I stumble along through this cycle of frustration, anger, blind rage, depression then sheer exhaustion. So fast that by the time I’m at work, or doing stuff at home, I don’t even remember what set it off because there are just too many things that snowballed together to make the whole thing happen. But the general idea is that I’m overwhelmed with juggling home, work, spouse & child: the classic working-mother conundrum.
I’ve considered backing off work, but the sad fact is that I just can’t do it. We have our own business, of sorts, and there just isn’t anyone available to fill the strange little hole that is my job. The spouse-unit and I have talked about hiring a friend as a housekeeper to help get the place organized, be home to get estimates from contractors, and other general household duties, but she’s been flakier than a Pillsbury pie crust. I’m down to scheduling things into the calendar like “6-7pm: Evening walk” and, worse still, a daily repeating task of “Make coffee, sit and breathe for 5 min.” Sadly, the only days I get to sit over my morning coffee for five minutes are the days where I remember to even check my calendar and to-do list before running out of the house, I kid you not.
And the last time we went to our marriage counselor for our quarterly “tune-up”, our topic of business for the session was how get through the next six months of work insanity and still be married at the end of it. Ironically, the best suggestion was to be sure and schedule in time for us to do “couple time” and “family things”.
Grr, and double-grr.
I wish I had answers. I wish YOU had answers for me. :-) In the meantime, I’m scheduling me-time for catching up on blog reading & writing, while the spouse-unit
kills off brain cells blows away enemies in Call of Duty 2. Then we’ll each crawl into bed, wake up tomorrow and do it all over again: the fights and crying and work and playing with Spice and cleaning up cat puke and making cookies and doing dishes and picking cat hair off my black clothes and kicking the washer and… you get the idea… all over again.
kh is life, no? ;-)